tears. lies. empty. tired.

tears.

tears well up in my eyes again, down my cheek

"what's wrong?" she asks

"oh nothing, I think it is allergies" i respond

lies. 

lies are what got me this pain to begin with 

i've felt this pain before

the first time you did this, you shattered my heart

empty.  

i feel broken and dead

you've soul crushed my soul 

and left me with nothing but emptiness

weak.

weakness is what allowed me

to let you back in

i loved you again and you did the same thing

reckless.

i opened my heart and loved you

you never cared, just like last time

you were reckless with my heart then disposed of it

temporary.

you brought back a smile

that i had not seen in so long

i thought it would last forever, you made it temporary

tired.

i'm tired of hurting so much

i'm so stupid for loving you

i'm tired of the tears, the lies, the emptiness...

Love

Love doesn't have a speed limit...

jar of hearts (could be a re-post but truly how I feel at this time)

No, I can't take one more step towards you
'Cause all that's waiting is regret
Don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

And I've learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

And it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
'Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
Tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you are?

Sight

Out of sight
Out of mind
Does the trick
Every time!

So glad this time its so easy!

toxic release

there comes a day and time when it hits you

you finally realize that the relationship you've been in is toxic

it didn't truly bring you the joy you thought it did

he didn't enhance your life like you did his

you realize that he took advantage of your caring heart

your willingness to open your soul to him

and your ability to truly make him the happiest man

you realize that no matter how hard you tried

you can't fix someone as broken and mentally off as he

you realize that it isn't you or your love that wasn't enough

it was he, that didn't understand how much you loved him

it was he, that didn't want to open his heart and soul to you

it was he, that continued to take his past from others out on you

and it was he, that threw in the towel and made the choice to walk

when this day comes, it sets your soul free

a huge weight lifts from your shoulders

you feel like you can begin to breathe again

you can live again, a true and happy life

when you finally accept that you deserve so much more

it is as if toxic waste once consumed your soul

and its release is like something you've never experienced before

i've recently had this experience

i've realized that what i thought might be love

was truly a distorted and toxic take on a relationship

i've realized that no one deserves to be treated this way

no one deserves to be treated with such wreckless abandon

i've been reminded that i should never date down

and i've looked within to find the self confidence that i've lacked

this lack of self confidence is what lead me to such a toxic man

someone whom i should have never allowed in my life at all

let alone a second time, for a second chance

never again!  today's a new day with so much joy ahead

Never again

You used me
You lied
I gave
I tried

You played me
You burned me
I forgave
I let you in

You showed
You're no different
I believed you
Said you'd changed

You're not worthy of anything
Let alone someone like me
Karma's a bitch
She never stops watching

When she uses you and lies
When she plays and burns you
Just know its payback
For all the wrong you've done

A real man, you are not
You take advantage
Take what you want
Throw out what's left
What real man would do that?
And after all I've done for you

My pain is turning to rage
You did this to me
Hope you're happy
You destroyed me again

Guess its true
Do it to me once,
Shame on you
Twice, shame on me

Guess mom's right...
A tigers stripes never change

alive

Feel dead inside
Just want to numb the pain
Reckless with my body
Seeking pleasure in any way
You're not him
But the passion fills me
It was like never before
You made me feel alive again
The other night I wasn't dead
You filled me full of life
I long for you again
Even if just a temporary high
I can't stop thinking about it
Why was it so magical this time?
I long for you again
Don't make me wait too long
I want to feel alive again
Even if just for a short while