the future

i see you... with me

i see you... earning my parents forgiveness

i see you... holding my hand

i see you.... kissing my forehead

i see you... sleeping so sound next to me

i see you... helping me cook dinner

i see you... laughing with me

i see you... distracting me from the laundry

i see you... taking out the trash

i see you... waking up next to me

i see you.... picking me up when i am down

i see you... holding me tight when we are cuddled up on the couch

i see you... kissing me goodbye in the morning before work

i see you... playing with our kids (me embracing yours as my own)

i see you... smiling back at me

i see you... as my protector

i see you... as my strength

i see you... as my light when it is so dark

i see you... as the reason i wake up with a smile

i see you... as my lover

i see you... as my best friend

i see you... as my husband

i see you... as the best choice i've ever made

i see you... making me the happiest woman in the world

i see you... loving me the way i've always wanted

i see you... giving me the life i've always dreamed of

i see you... giving me the family i've always wanted

i see me... loving you with all that i've got to give anyone

i see me... proving to you that we were meant to be from the begining

i see me... making you the happiest man on earth

i see me... brightening your life, forever

i hope you see this as a possiblity for our future

Crazy Girl...

Baby why you wanna cry?

You really oughta know that I
Just have to walk away sometimes
We're gonna do what lovers do
We're gonna have a fight or two
But I ain't ever changin' my mind

Crazy girl, don't you know that I love you?
And I wouldn't dream of goin' nowhere
Silly woman, come here, let me hold you
Have I told you lately?
I love you like crazy, girl

Wouldn't last a single day
I'd probably just fade away
Without you, I'd lose my mind
Before you ever came along
I was livin' life all wrong
Smartest thing I ever did was make you all mine

Crazy girl, don't you know that I love you?
I wouldn't dream of goin' nowhere
Silly woman, come here, let me hold you
Have I told you lately?
I love you like crazy, girl

Like crazy girl

Crazy girl, don't you know that I love you?
I wouldn't dream of goin' nowhere
Silly woman, come here, let me hold you
Have I told you lately,
I love you like

Crazy, girl, don't you know that I love you?
I wouldn't dream of goin' nowhere
Silly woman, come here, let me hold you
Have I told you lately?
I love you like crazy, girl

Like crazy
Crazy girl
Like crazy
Crazy girl
Like crazy

The darkness...

The darkness... It comes and goes, uncontrollable, unwanted, unwelcome. It's a feeling neither of us can explain, but the pain and misery affects us both.

In the darkness, you begin to let me in.
You inform me that its here, things aren't ok.

In the darkness, you still don't feel safe.
You aren't willing to show me what you see.

In the darkness, you push me away.
You push as your defense mechanism, I'm still here.

In the darkness, you're not alone.
You see, I'm in the darkness too.

In the darkness, we experience the same hurt, sadness.
Your darkness is different than mine, but hurts the same.

In the darkness, you showed me the light.
You gave me a gift no one's ever been able to give.

In the darkness, I'm here by your side.
You just let me know when you want to take my hand.

In the darkness, I'll never let you be alone.
You can count on me to pick up the pieces.

In the darkness, I know you're afraid.
You need to remember, it will pass, will be ok.

In the darkness, you want to call it quits.
You must hold on for all those who love you.

In the darkness, your mind plays tricks on you.
Your mind tries to bring you down, don't listen to what it says.

In the darkness, you'll never be alone again.
You open your heart and please let me in.

The darkness... torture, scary, deep, painful. It's a place I wish we've never been or never have to return. However, it is part of our lives so have faith that with each other, two people who really understand the darkness, we can get thru this together.

I'll be here to lift you up when you are down. I'll be here when you want to be left alone, waiting for when you want me again. I'll be here when your heart realizes it's ok to let me in. I'll be here when your defense mechanism is to keep pushing me away, confident that the day will come when you know that that mechanism is no longer needed with me. I'll be here when you just want to sit in the darkness in silence, holding you tight to protect you from the pain. Most of all, I'll be here forever... Regardless of everything. I'll be here, by your side, as long as you'll allow me to be here. I offer you my heart, my soul, my body, my all. I just want you to accept my offer, because I know the darkness can diminish if we face it together.

All my love,
xoxoxoxoxo

I'm scared...

If I come to you with a question, I want an answer.
I ask because I'm unsure, or need reassurance.

Don't push me away when I ask you a question.
I ask you because my heart cares and longs for you.

When you respond this way, it looks like you're hiding things.
Do you want to pick a fight just so you can win?

When you're not forth coming with things, it scares me.
Without open communication, we have nothing.

When I get scared and ask a silly question, I need you.
Have compassion, answer my question, put my fears at ease.

Don't shut down because I've asked a question.
That's when I need you most, to open up to me.

everyday, you remind me...

you remind me each day

how to make my heart smile

how to make me laugh

how your laugh infects my soul

you remind me each day

that you're there by my side

that you'll pick me up when i fall

that things will be okay, because you're here

you remind me each day

why i fell in love the first time

why i waited patiently for you

why i never fully let you go

you remind me each day

that forgiveness is moving forward

that opening my heart is okay

that you'll not hurt me again

you remind me each day

to be the true me

to not sweat the small stuff

to let you in and give you my all

you remind me each day

how incredible you are

how well we connect

how i want to love you again

you remind me each day

that it's okay to cry

that this is where i want to be

that you're not going to leave

i want to remind you everyday

to forgive yourself 

to believe in yourself

to open up your heart to me

i want to remind you everyday

i'll never place judgement

i'll never break your heart

i'll never leave your side

I'm leaving... I'm waiting...

our eyes meet and lock

a draw I've never felt before

you approach, we talk

numbers exchanged

excited... i hope you call

surprised, you call... we connect

we have a blast

so compatible, inseparable

you tell me...

don't get close, i'm leaving

i say okay

my heart falls hard

you continue to fill my soul with joy

my heart with love

you act like you're mine but tell me...

don't get close, i'm leaving

by the time it comes

i'm head over heals in love

you tell me...

don't get close, i'm leaving

you say goodbye

i say no

you say don't wait for me

i say, i'm waiting

you say don't wait for me, live your life

i say, i'm waiting

you leave

i begin to wait

shit, this sucks

you're gone

we keep in touch

emails exchanges

instant message conversations

three days pass... no contact

sick. feel so sick. he's hurt, he's gone... my love

contact received

breathe, melissa breathe

phone attached like an appendage

drop everything when it rings, you're there

overwhelmed with joy

my love... you're safe

care packages sent

your days a bit brighter

we grow closer, all we have is this

i fall deeper, so much deeper in love

i picture our future when you return,

you say don't, i'm leaving

i want to be your one and only

scared to tell you, scared you'll run

i still wait

shit, this sucks

you return

you're here, but you're not

something's not right

i attribute it to war

i've no idea what its' done to my love

i'm patient, but scared

something's just not right

i pray you'll open up

you shut me down

you tell me...

stop, i'm leaving

i say no, don't leave me

take me with you

i want you forever

you shut me down

you keep pushing me away

you say, i'm leaving

i want to be your wife

you don't understand

you decide destruction

destruction is easier, she'll hate me

it doesn't work

i love you too much

you eventually destroy it all

and you say, i'm leaving

my heart breaks

a loss like none i've ever felt

you come to me, hug and kiss

you say goodbye, i'm destroyed

you leave

we cant stop, i cant stop

i need you like a drug

emails, texts, calls

i cant break free, you have my heart

email received, i don't know who she is

she knows me.  i don't understand

meet me for drinks?  i comply.  

we meet.  she destroys my everything

its all a lie.  NO! not the man i love!

she has proof.  he's been with her

there's more, it's worse!

i'm the other woman

i call, i scream, i yell

i curse, i cry, i'm done

destruction... heartbreak doesn't describe it

worse than any pain i've ever felt

how could you?  why?  

you have no real answers, not that i hear

our love...

all a lie.  

our truth...

all a lie.

i still love you

you're gone

we continue

i can't stop

you tell me to come

move to be with you

you're not serious

i am

destruction again... it's over.  

i'm dead inside.  destroyed

time passes

i try to move on

heart never the same, never healed

drunk to numb the pain

that's when it happens.  life changes forever

i try to shake you

still can't.  how long could this possibly last?  i need you

years pass

you reach out

you apologize, i still love you

i say more hateful things

try to convince myself i don't love you

i'm mean enough

you go away

my heart still aches

i still love you

more time passes

heart never healed

don't think i'll ever stop loving you

i reach out, able to find you

day 1, nothing.  day 2, nothing.  day 3, 4...

email received.  it's you

heart stops.  he's here.  why?

do i tell you?  

my heart's not healed, my heart's still yours

we start again

forgiveness fills my soul

we start as friends, small talk

turns to deeper conversations

a better understanding of what you've done

maybe our love wasn't all a lie, maybe you did love me?

beyond the separation with her,

i learn that the local fling was to break me

if i hated you, you could leave

easy for you, hard for me

you threw the line.  i took the bait

i let you leave, without my fight

i know you aren't that man

just a victim of broken heart that lead to poor choices

we continue to get to know each other again

its there, the connection, the draw

i want to look you in the eyes

tell you, i forgive you

my heart starts to race again

i feel it happening.  i'm scared

i'm mature enough to realize what you did

you kept me at a distance on purpose

all the leaving, all the destruction

you weren't ready to love me the way i needed

i have faith you're there now

even when you doubt yourself

i see a future with you

happiness like before.  before the destruction

we needed the destruction 

to grow.  to appreciate each other.  to have a fighting chance

i know now, you say i'm leaving

it's a defense... keep people at a distance

i wont accept it this time

i'll fight for you, for us

i stand in front of you

filled with forgiveness

i stand here with an open heart

ready to love you again

i stand here ready for love

ready for all of the ups and downs

you can say i'm leaving

but i'm waiting

this time i wait

i fight. i stay

it wont be easy.  we have challenges ahead

but if you are by my side, we can do this

i have the faith in you, in us

we can be great

i know you can give me what i want

you can make me happy and i can you

you can tell me you're leaving

but i'm waiting

i wont give up, my heart is in

i'm ready for the fight

no expectations, you will not fail

just take care of me, you'll prove yourself wrong

let me in

you're not leaving

i wont let you

i'm waiting

this time

you left me

i waited

you left me again

i gave up

this time

i wont let you leave 

i offer you my forgiveness

i offer you my heart

i offer you me, all of me

i only ask that you let me in

give us a fighting chance

please don't say i'm leaving

because i'm here waiting

i'm waiting for you to open your heart to me

i'm waiting for you to let me in

i'm waiting for you to allow me to love you again

i'm waiting for you to love me 

i'm waiting to make you happy

i'm waiting to see if you'll be mine, forever

i'm waiting, in hopes, that you don't try to leave me

xoxo

dark thoughts... dark spaces

You're not alone 

I'm here 

Let me in? 

No 

I'll wait for you 

I'm here 

Look in the mirror 

I see you 

We're the same 

Just different demons 

She broke your heart 

Dark thoughts, dark spaces 

You broke my heart

To lessen the pain 

Self destruction 

Dark thoughts, dark spaces 

It broke your heart again 

I've forgiven, it's your turn 

You're not alone 

I'm here 

Let me in? 

No 

I'll wait for you 

I'm here 

I'll prove to you 

I'll be here 

Through it all 

Good times and bad 

Your demons or mine 

Dark thoughts, dark spaces 

Please let me in 

I want to love you 

I'll help you through 

Dark thoughts, dark spaces 

Trust me I won't hurt you 

Forgive yourself, let me love you 

You're not alone 

I'm here 

Let me in? 

No 

I'll wait for you 

I'm here 

You push 

Try so hard 

Push me away 

Start a fight, its easier

Your demons win 

Dark thoughts, dark spaces 

This time you push 

I know better

I don't let your demons win

Dark thoughts, dark spaces 

I won't leave your side

Just let me love you 

You're not alone 

I'm here 

Let me in? 

No 

I'll wait for you 

I can't wait forever

_________________

I miss you. xoxo