still no us

you're back in my life

we act as more than friends

but you remind me we are just that

i'm hopeful for more

we plan a trip for you

to come spend some time with me

i am so excited, i just want answers

where do we stand?

you come to see me

you treat me like i'm yours

you ask me to be yours

i cautiously and nervously accept

we have fun all weekend

like we did in our past

but before you leave, you say "i cant"

"i cant be an us, i cant do it"

like a slap in the face, i am stunned

i thought we wanted the same thing

you say you want me but you cant

but when you want something, don't you make it happen?

yet... i knew it was coming

the last 24 hours things had been off

i tried to bring it up a few times

you acted like you didn't know what i was talking about

more wasted time

when this time is so valuable to me

i don't know when i'll see you again

when we'll be able to spend time like this together again

you finally man up and admit it

you made a mistake, you shouldn't have asked

makes me feel like i'm the mistake

what is so wrong with me that i'm not worth the commitment?

you keep saying you didn't say you don't want me

but then why cant we at least try?

it makes me feel those feelings again

unlovable, undeserving, unwanted, worthless

will a man ever love me?

just me, right here, as i am?

i think i deserve to be loved

i have so much love to give

i'm over men saying, i want you...

just not now

bad timing, wrong place

will there ever be a right time?

you say you want me

but why not make the commitment?

what reason do i have to stay here?

and wait, for what?  what if it isn't ever the right time?

i fear it is just an excuse

this whole thing, about not being ready yet

i don't want to be that dumb girl

who waits just to have her heart broken again

you've destroyed my heart once before

please don't do it again

i don't deserve that, after all of this

after giving you my all

you came to see me, i just wanted answers

you leave as we started, i still lack answers

but don't worry i'm clear, there is no US

there is a you and a me, but no US

--------------------------------------------------------

i guess it was nice being your girlfriend again for 72 hours

foolish of me to think it would last much longer

was probably just the drinks that even made you ask to begin with

hopefully if you say it again, that time you wont j/k me a few days later

because that fucking sucked!

beautiful... gravity

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your reign.

[CHORUS:]
Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

[CHORUS]

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down.
You're keeping me down, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
You're on to me, on to me, and all over...
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.

Come Live with Me...

Come live with me
And won't you be my love
Share my bread and wine

Be wife to me
Be life to me
Be mine

Oh, come live with me
And be my love
Let our dreams combine

Be great to me
Be fate to me
Be mine

With these hands
I'll build a roof
To shield your head

Yes, and with these hands
I'll carve the wood
For our baby's bed

Oh, come live with me
And be my love
So I can love you all the time

Be part of me
Girl, be the heart of me
Be mine

Why don't y'all help me now

I'll try to do my best for you
I swear, I promise you
And girl, didn't I tell you

I'll cry for you
Don't you know
I will accompany you
I say my whole life through

Oh, come live with me
And won't you be my love
Hey, hey, share my bread and wine

Be part of me
Oh, be the heart of me, baby
Please be mine

You say you're fine

You say you're fine
But i know better
Something is off
Something is not right

You say you're fine
But you push me away
I feel the distance
I hate the feeling

You say you're fine
Your actions say otherwise
I ask what's wrong
You question why I'm asking

You say you're fine
But I know better
I wish you'd open up to me
That's what I'm here for

they said, i'm proud of you

they sit outside
dont know what its like
they say i'm proud
so proud of you

how can they be?
how can you be proud
when its taken me several years
i didnt have the courage
needed a friend to call

dont be proud of me
i've played the victim far too long
i should have been stronger
i shouldnt have allowed him to win

he's destroyed me mentally
physically, emotionally
i've allowed him to do this
how can one be proud of me for that

Wanted

You know I'd fall apart without you
I don't know how you do what you do
'Cause everything that don't make sense about me
Makes sense when I'm with you

Like everything that's green, girl, I need you
But it's more than one and one makes two
Put aside the math and the logic of it
You gotta know you're wanted too

'Cause I wanna wrap you up
Wanna kiss your lips
I wanna make you feel wanted
And I wanna call you mine
Wanna hold your hand forever
And never let you forget it
Yeah, I, I wanna make you feel wanted

Anyone can tell you you're pretty, yeah
And you get that all the time, I know you do
But your beauty's deeper than the make-up
And I wanna show you what I see tonight...

When I wrap you up
When I kiss your lips.
I, I wanna make you feel wanted
And I wanna call you mine
Wanna hold your hand forever
And never let you forget it
'Cause, baby, I, I wanna make you feel wanted

As good as you make me feel
I wanna make you feel better
Better than your fairy tales
Better than your best dreams
You're more than everything I need
You're all I ever wanted
All I ever wanted

And I just wanna wrap you up
Wanna kiss your lips
I wanna make you feel wanted
And I wanna call you mine
Wanna hold your hand forever
And never let you forget it
Yeah, I wanna make you feel wanted
Baby, I wanna make you feel wanted

You'll always be wanted

Death

I've experienced enough death... Enough loss...
I'm tired...
I want it all to end...
Why couldn't it have been me in that fatal overturned SUV accident the other morning?
I don't want to live like this for one more day...
one more hour...
I don't know how to stop the pain...
The hurt...
Why does my mind say just end it?
I have the means. Just take it all and go to sleep...
Its not like I'd be missed...
Who in the world would miss such a mess?
I'm dead inside...
Like a walking corpse...
You used to see life in my eyes, now there's just nothing...
Its a constant battle, one shoulder a devil saying just do it, the other an angel saying don't...
The devil gets louder...
I can't hear anything but the devil...
I need to just stop being a coward...
Everyone would be better off!